Why am I Always the Horse?

Ever since I supposedly became an adult, I've been the one who eventually finds himself on the ground, grass, sand, or floor being pummeled by little hands, elbows, and knees.  I don't know why, but I'm that adult kids tend to identify with and consistently pull from grown-up conversations to sit in a cushion fort or explore the backyard.  This selection invariably results, I'm happy to say, in a lot of fun for me.  The only drawback is the day ends with fresh bruises up and down my body.  And this weekend was no exception. 

Sumie's youngest brother, Genta, was visiting this weekend, so all four Iwasaki siblings were in town for the first time in what seemed years.  Parties, on both Saturday and Sunday, were called for.  Mimi, upon hearing she'd get to spend the entire weekend with her cousins, was excited.  Some might say too excited. 

Saturday found us at Shu and Kayo's place in Palo Alto.  As part of student housing, their apartment backs up to an amazing courtyard crammed with neighbors, all of whom seem to have children.  It was like traveling back to the 50s - gangs of children running through the playground, and in and out of each others homes, with minimal supervision and maximum enjoyment.   Our evening ended with all 6 cousins camped out on the couch.  Mimi, being the only cousin without a sibling, is still a bit protective of her property, as you can see from the picture below.  I hope she'll soon get to the point where 6 month old babies are no longer threatening. 

Genta came back to stay at our place Saturday night.  Early the next morning (well, early for us) we packed into the car and headed for Twin Peaks to show Gen the lay of the land.  San Francisco may be much smaller than NYC, but it sure is a beautiful city. 

By 2:00pm, everyone was back together, this time at our place.  Kae and Eddie brought some fantastic dim sum and kids and parents alike gathered round the coffee and kid's tables in the living room for the feast. 

With everyone completely stuffed, and the weather unseasonably warm and sunny, we all headed outside.   Having a usable backyard in a city is a fantastic luxury, especially when you have kids.  Where else can you water the children without making a mess? 

By the time we came back inside the kids were ready to rough-house.  Quite tired from my adventures outside, I made the fatal mistake of lying down on the living room floor.  By the time I got up, there were four children perched atop my back. 

 Here's a bit of video of the carnage:

Despite a slipped disc or two, I was still in working order by the end of the party.  Our last guest left around 9:00.  That was 7 hours in our little house with 6 kids.  I, for one, was exhausted, but very thankful that Mimi got to spend the weekend with her cousins and that the four Iwasaki children had some time together again.

I really don't think these moments could've happened if we hadn't left New York.  At least not nearly so often.  Despite missing NYC from time to time, knowing Mimi is growing closer to her cousins, aunts, and uncles day by day makes it all worthwhile.  Now we just need to get all the grandparents together!

Flying with a Toddler under Two

From SF to Tokyo and back.  Two seats.  Three people.  One of them 21 months old and certifiably insane.  But, despite the odds, we made it. 

Despite the snow and manic schedule in Japan, nothing caused us more anxiety than how our "endearing, but difficult" daughter would handle the flights.  As an infant, Mimi took to flying like a cat to water.  The tighter the space and the longer the flight, the louder she'd scream and the violently she'd refuse to sleep.  So it was with great trepidation that we began the ten hour flight from San Francisco to Tokyo.  Thankfully, all went relatively well.  We think we even came up with a few tips that may help others in the future as well. 

On even the shortest flight, such as our 45 minute hop from Tokyo to Yamagata...

the sweetest and most docile child...

can turn into a raving lunatic.  As such, it's important to be prepared.  And that begins well before you ever get to the airport. 

When flying with a toddler, there are three main challenges to consider: 1. Booking the flight; 2. What to do at the Airport; 3. Surviving the flight itself.  From our most recent experience I've found that the first one, booking the flight, is perhaps the most important. 

Booking the Flight:
I used to fly a lot for work and in the beginning I felt getting the company the best price possible should be my primary guideline for booking a flight.  I quickly learned, though, that the actual "cost," or should we say "toll" of a flight is not always reflected by the dollar amount on the ticket.  Direct flights, though they may be 10 or 20 percent more than one with stops, are always worth the extra money.   So too is booking a flight, even though it may be a bit more, that leaves you with some time to spare both at home and at your destination.  These rules hold true for traveling with toddlers as well. 

Many families try to squeeze at least one major flight in before a child turns two.  This is because once your child reaches 24 months, you must purchase the child a seat, even if you know he or she will be out of it the entire flight.  The rest of this blog post will deal with toddlers who are under that magic number, just as Mimi was for our flight to Japan.  Here are a few things we've discovered to keep in mind when choosing a flight and selecting seats. 

1. Fly with an airline you know and like:  Knowing how an airline works and what to expect can prevent a lot of stress both on the flight and at the airport.  Some carriers are better than others, especially when it comes to service.  We flew United to Tokyo, which was fine, but took ANA (All Nippon Airways) up to Yamagata and back to the states.  What a difference.  The flight attendants really worked hard to make sure that Mimi was comfortable, that Sumie and I were comfortable, and that the other passengers were not inconvenienced by the occasionally rambunctious toddler.  Their help made a huge difference to our sanity.  
2. Know how naps and bedtime will fit with the flight schedule:  Booking a flight that takes off right at nap time is not a good idea.  Too much commotion.  Try to schedule flights a few hours before or a few hours after naps if at all possible.  It makes sleeping on the plane much easier for both toddlers and parents.  
3. Book a bulkhead seat:  At the front of each section of a plane are "bulkhead" seats.  These seats have a wall instead of seats in front of them.  They generally have more room - the toddler can play on the floor once the flight gets going - and parents can get up and down more easily.  These seats often come with a "bassinet" option, if your child is still under 22lbs or so.  This is a cradle that screws into the bulkhead wall.  If you request this, airlines will usually try to accommodate you with bulkhead seating.  The bulkhead seats, with bassinet or without, made a world of difference on our flights to and from Japan.
4. Get extra room:  Even if you can't get a bulkhead, if there's an option for extra space, pay the extra money.  On United I believe it was an extra $40.00 per person for the more spacious seats.  When you're juggling a toddler, a few inches can go a long way.
5. Book a window and an aisle:  Most longer distances flights use planes with three seats extending from each side of the plane: window seat, middle seat, aisle seat.  We've learned that even if we book only two seats we have a much better chance of getting the row to ourselves if we book the window and aisle seats, leaving the middle one between us open.  Even if someone does take the middle seat, at least you can be gracious and offer him or her the window or aisle.  It's one way of "thanking" the unfortunate individual for putting up with your toddler.  

At the Airport:
Getting to the gate and waiting for a flight can be almost as exhausting as the flight itself.    We found the airport experience goes a bit better when we do the following.

1. Check in as much as possible:  As a business traveler I traveled light and brought everything with me on the plane.  I've found you need to do the exact opposite with a toddler.  The more things you bring on a plane the more you have to juggle and the more you could leave behind.  Check in as many bags as you can and travel light to the gate.  
2. Forget the stroller:  Getting through security is hard enough with a squirming toddler, let alone a mammoth stroller.  Leave the stroller at home or check it in at the counter. 
3. Strip the kid before security:  If the airport is warm enough, take off all jackets or outerwear from your toddler before going through security.  This is good practice for parents as well.  Making sure everyone in the family is stripped down before they hit the metal detectors makes the screening process run much smoother.  
4. Let the child run wild:  This is another reason to leave the stroller back at the check-in counter.  Airports are exciting places and being in an airport is far more fascinating than being on an airplane.  Help your toddler get as much energy out of her system as you can.  Simply making her walk to the gate instead of carrying her is a good start (if you're on time, at least).  
5. Bring plenty of empty bottles and sippy cups:  Security won't let much liquid through.  That's just a fact.  Counter that with a couple empty bottles and sippy cups that you can then fill once you get through security.  Milk can be tough to come by - you can sometimes get a cup from a coffee shop that you can then pour into one of your bottles - so traveling with some dry formula is a good idea.  Flights carry almost no milk.  Just enough to splash in tea and coffee.  
6. Know when you can board:  Some airlines allow families traveling with small children to board earlier.  Though you'll be on the plane a bit longer, it's much easier walking down that center aisle, squirming toddler in tow, when there are only a few passengers to bump into.  You'll also be able to get more accessible overhead storage for anything you brought on the flight. 
7. Change the diaper to an "overnight" before boarding:  Changing diapers on a plane is tough.  We found it much easier to get through the flight if we changed our daughter into one of the ultra-absorbent "overnight" diapers just before we boarded.  Fewer changes made for a much smoother trip.  

On the Flight:
There's not a lot to say here - you never quite know how it's going to go - but always keep in mind that no matter how badly the flight goes, it will end at some point.  There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

1. Have bottles and sippy cups ready for takeoff and landing:  Not only are takeoffs and landings potentially scary events, they can also trigger discomfort because of changes in air pressure.  Sucking on a bottle, or a sippy cup with a straw, can help toddlers to adjust to air pressure changes.  They also provide a little bit of extra security.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help:  The flight attendants want the flight to go smoothly for your child as well.  Don't be afraid to ask them for help or hints.  
3. Let the child get comfortable:  This may take many forms.  For Mimi, she wanted to sleep on the floor on the way to Tokyo.  I had no problem with this, but Sumie insisted that she sleep on her lap.  As a result, she only slept an hour total.  Had she been on the floor, I think she would've been down for at least two or three.  On the way back with used the bassinet, despite it being a tight fit.  She slept for 4 hours!  A record for Mimi!
4. Have a bag of small, quiet toys:  Mimi's too young for DVDs, so we had a small bag of toys.  None of them took batteries or made noise.  Again, having the bulk-head seat helped for this.  She was able to play very comfortably at our feet.  
5. Walk around when restless:  If your toddler is getting restless, suggest a walk before he or she starts screaming.  It's much more enjoyable walking down the aisle with a smiling toddler than a screaming one.  
6. Stay calm:   As I mentioned before, no matter how bad things get, the flight will come to an end.  A friend of mine who has traveled internationally far more often than me - and alone with two boys! - told me this before my flight to Tokyo and it made a world of difference.  I think Mimi did fairly well, in part, because her parents were much less on edge than on previous flights.  

I hope that these tips offer some help to any of you out there traveling with toddlers.  If you have any insights to share, please be sure to do so!  I would love to learn more.  Before I know it, Sumie and I will be traveling with a preschooler and I bet that's an entirely different challenge.  Any of you who have already faced it, please be sure to share as well!

Four Very Busy Days - Photoessay from Japan

We returned from Yamagata Wednesday afternoon and headed to bed early.  It had been an amazing trip, but we were still only halfway through our stay in Japan.  We needed to rest up.  After all, we had plans to visit with half the population of Tokyo within the next four days. First off, Mimi needed a bath.

Mimi and I hit the park Thursday morning while Sumie tidied the house.  There weren't any toddler swings, but Mimi did her best on the "big girl" swings. 

Her favorite piece of playground equipment was, of course, one that has been sent to the scrap yard due to safety regulations here in the US.  I miss whirly-go-rounds.  Sure, kids lost teeth and broke bones, but man, they were fun!

Around noon we had our first appointment with Yoko-obasan.  She'd prepared a fabulous lunch for us at her apartment.  Mimi, however, was more interested in making a mess than eating her lunch.  She insisted on opening up the sealed play mats and spreading them throughout the apartment.  That's our little girl.  Always the conscientious guest. 

From Yoko-obasan's place we sped home, so that Mimi could nap, and then met Sumie's friend Rie for dinner at Tsubame Grill near Shinagawa station.  It's a very old-style Japanese take on western food.  Kind of kitchy, but very good.  Mimi was excited by the spread and decided that she'd eat violently.  This is, unfortunately, quite common. 

Rie sat by patiently as Mimi attacked everyone's food.  Even Rie's.  I think a parent knows she has a true friend when that friend is able to tolerate a toddler at the table. 

Upon arriving home, Mimi decided she'd rip up some flooring and make a hat.  We still have no idea why. 

On Friday we had another two visits to make.  Just like Thursday, we'd be taking the trains.  Fortunately, Mimi loved riding the rails in Japan.  Not only did she learn the word "densha" (Japanese for "train"), she couldn't stop saying it.  By the end of our stay she was like a regular commuter.  Just a bit louder and a lot whinier. 

Friday afternoon we met my host mother, Mrs. Hoshino, who had brought me countless home cooked meals when I lived in Japan almost 10 years ago.  We've managed to keep in touch all these years and it was great to catch up.  We gathered at an izakaya (Japanese pub) in Ikebukuro.  We had a small room virtually to ourselves.  

Mimi took advantage of the quiet surroundings and, quite uncharacteristically, was out cold by the time dessert arrived.  

After meeting with Mrs. Hoshino we headed back to Shinagawa to get a little rest before meeting with Sumie's uncle later that night.  Sumie and I tried to nap.  Mimi decided to put a diaper on her head.  Such is the logic of toddlers. 

At Shinagawa station we met up with Yuichi-ojisan, Sumie's father's older brother, and his two daughters Norikosan, pictured here...

and Yoshikosan, pictured here.  Yuichi-ojisan is a remarkable man.  He's 80 years old, but that didn't keep him from playing with Mimi like one of her slightly older cousins.  Towards the end of dinner he actually reached across the table and picked up Mimi to play.  Somehow no glasses were harmed in this maneuver.  Mimi loved it and Sumie and I were astounded.  If only we had so much energy!

Our final outing together in Japan included a trip to Ueno.  This is a fabulous section of Tokyo crammed with museums, parks, and shopping.  Years ago Sumie and I would would often come here to escape the rush of the city, sometimes even taking a rowboat out on the lake, and we wanted to share it with Mimi. 

We made a quick stop at a temple there as well.  Mimi rang the bell and threw in 10 yen for the gods.  Still not sure what she prayed for.  Probably more milk.  

In the evening we met with Shinobu-obasan and her family.  Shinobu-obasan's daughter, Takako, brought her two children along as well.  We had a wonderful dinner.  They even provided pizza for me, fearing I might not be able to eat sushi.  Well, let's just say they needn't have worried.  I finished my sushi well before anyone else!

Mimi enjoyed playing with everyone...

and she particularly liked a certain bunny hat.  This she refused to take off. 

I don't know why it is that my daughter refuses to wear hats outside when it's below freezing but insists on wearing them inside when the temperature is 75 or higher.  

When we boarded our flight on Monday we were sad to leave, but also ready for home.  We'd had a fantastic stay in Japan and I think we'll make it an annual adventure.  If she could say so, I think Mimi would insist on it. 

Hot Springs, Cold Nights, and a Warm Heart

It's been a while!  Sorry for the break, but our last few days in Japan were so packed with friends and family that it was all we could do to finish packing in time to catch our flight home, which is where we are now.

Picking up where I left off, though, Sumie, Mimi, and I had braved insanely narrow and snowy streets, in a Toyota Vitz no less, to reach our onsen, or Japanese hot springs.  This would be our base of operations between visits to Sumie's grandmother (Obachan), who would turn 103 years old during our visit.  The journey to the onsen had been a harrowing one, but the end result was worth it.  Here's the view from our room.

 Mimi approved.  She wanted to put on her new galoshes (which she insisted on wearing everywhere) and explore outside.

I had other ideas.  Upon stepping into my room I found my left knee was in agony.  Strange, that, given the car was an automatic.  Luckily, the hot springs worked the tension right out.  Of course, before going down to soak, I had to don my yukata.  One must try to be native, even if one looks ridiculously out of place!

Each morning and evening we'd meet Sumie's aunt and uncle, as well as two of their friends staying at the onsen, for breakfast or dinner.  Here's Sumie, Mimi, and Reiko-obasan. 

The food, traditional Japanese fare, was fantastic.  And Mimi really began to embrace the cuisine of her second homeland.  Here's what's left of a grilled fish she had.  Fish heads, fish heads, yum!

 Mimi even used the fish skewer to get the most out of every bite.  She doesn't always have the best appetite, but she can be quite the industrious little girl when she finds something tasty. 

Despite the pleasures of soaking and eating, that was not why we'd braved the snow and come so far north.  We were in Yamagata to visit Sumie's grandmother and to introduce her to Mimi.  Obachan was staying in a wonderful rest home about 20 kilometers or so from the onsen.  Thanks to the rental car, we were able to visit with Obachan three times during our two night stay.  Here's Sumie and Mimi outside Obachan's place.  You can see that Mimi's still infatuated with her boots. 

Obachan sleeps most of the day now, and her memory isn't what it used to be, but she still looks wonderful and her spirit, that dynamic personality which has brought her through 103 years, still shines through.  At first, Obachan simply enjoyed a few strokes of her hair from Sumie. 

But before too long she turned to meet her great granddaughter...

....opened her eyes, and smiled.  It was such a wonderful moment.  Three women spanning four generations of family.  All together.  All smiling.  Mimi was so taken with the moment that she even came out with a new word: Obachan!

There were many highlights during our Japan trip, but our time with Obachan, despite being brief, was assuredly the most memorable.  Neither Obachan nor Mimi will remember these meetings, I'm sure, but that's really beside the point.  Someday, when Mimi sees these pictures, she'll ask us, "Who's that?" And that's when we'll get to share our adventures in Yamagata and, most importantly, the life of the very special woman who was the reason for our visit.

Four Friends Meet Again

I think the underlying theme of our trip to Japan this year, at least for my wife, is reunion.  Virtually all of my friends in Japan have left Tokyo for home (the US or the UK) or are down south in Osaka and Kobe.  For Sumie, though, it's a different story.  With most of her friends and family still in the Tokyo area, Sumie's social calendar was packed before we left: a high school reunion, a visit with her 102 year old grandmother (perhaps the most important reunion of all), and a number of outings with friends were on the books.  The "reunions" kicked off on Sunday afternoon with a small dinner party at Sumie's family apartment in Shinagawa.

Madokachan, Mandachan, Miyukichan, and Sumie have been friends since their years together at Tokyo University, despite Sumie not having a name that begins with "M".  That means these four very intelligent, very capable, and very dynamic women have been sharing stories, laughter, and hardships for over fifteen years.  They seem to have the kind of friendship - one I'm lucky to have with many of my friends - that transcends time and distance.  Though it may be years between visits, getting back together never feels stilted or awkward.  There's no warming up period.  The friendship just picks up where it left off, distance and time be damned.  

Madokachan arrived with her two girls and her husband at Sumie's apartment around 4:30.  Mandachan showed up with her two girls shortly thereafter.  Before we knew it the small apartment, which is generally quite tranquil, was filled with four adults and five very giggly and increasingly adventurous and loud little girls. We set out a light dinner, vainly believing we'd be able to corral all that little-girl-energy for more than a few minutes. 

Miyukichan, who was coming up on the Shinkansen (bullet train) from Kobe on business, arrived about an hour after dinner.  We set out dessert.  This seemed to go better.  After all, little girls tend to like sugar.  But before too long the little ones bored of their food and sought out new items to destroy.  This left the older girls some (relatively) private time to talk around the table. 

Masa (Madokachan's husband) and I did our best to keep the little girls entertained, allowing the big girls a chance to catch up - it had been at least three years and there was a lot of ground to cover.  Masa and I set up some reading sessions...

pretended to be monsters, played hide-and-seek, and even spent some time at the piano.

Sooner than anyone wanted it was time to go home.  I think the adults could've gone on for hours, but the girls had bedtimes and we were already getting dangerously close to breaking them.  Our last act for the night was a group picture.  This, with five young kids to bring together, took some time.  Some even required piggyback rides to the couch.

With some prodding and pleading we eventually got the shots we wanted.  It was the perfect cap for a wonderful visit.

While I'm sad I won't get to see many of the dear friends I made from my own days in Japan (I'm going to plan a visit to London to rectify that soon), I'm thankful that Sumie was able to reconnect with the friends who have touched her life so strongly.  No matter how close Sumie and I become as husband and wife, and as mother and father, there will always be a special place in our hearts, outside our relationship as husband and wife, for our friends.  Those friendships genuinely help to define us, both as a couple and individuals.  And I wouldn't have it any other other way.

Stay tuned for more on our adventures on the sea of Japan and my first time driving here where left is right!  Much more to come!

The Long Road to French Toast and Milkshakes

There's no doubt about it: my daughter is growing up.  Day by day she takes a few steps forward, and the occasional step back, on her way to full toddlerdom.  But these steps are so small, so subtle, that it can be hard to recognize on any given day just how far Mimi has come.  I decided to take a look at an average day now to see just how far my little girl has come since we left New York and came to San Francisco.

Mimi normally wakes up sometime between 7:30 and 8:30.  The time isn't so different from 8 months ago, but the way she welcomes the morning certainly is.  In the past, Mimi would just cry when she woke up.  She still does that from time to time now, but most mornings Sumie and I will hear giggles coming from her room.  We'll call out Mimi's name and get even more giggles.  As soon as I enter the room, Mimi will present me with her baby doll and kitty, both by name.  The she'll hand me her blanket (Ba!) and lastly lift up her arms and yell out "Mimi!  Mimi!"  One unfortunate change, though, has been the massive amount of milk Mimi can take in before bed and the limitations of even the most robust modern diapers.  This morning I woke to find a very damp, very smelly, but still very happy little girl.  Laundry day came early.

After a quick change, it's usually time for breakfast.  But sometimes Mimi likes to take the morning a bit more slowly, and jumps back into bed - this time, Mama and Papa's. 

Once breakfast time does come, it's no longer a bottle and dry Cheerios.  I try to cook for Mimi whenever I can, and at the very least provide her with fresh fruit each morning.  Strawberries, blueberries, and grapes, in particular, have been favorites.  Usually Mimi will tell me it's time to eat by pointing to her plate or pulling out her high chair. 

The other day I went beyond the usual cereal or scrambled eggs and made french toast. 

Unfortunately, with increased age has come increased pickiness.  The french toast intrigued Mimi not so much as a breakfast item but as a sticky slab that makes excellent "thunking" sounds on kitchen tile.  Argh.

Mimi's newfound independence really shows after breakfast.  She's getting better and better when it comes to playing on her own.  This is great for me because I can finally get the occasional chore done when she's still in sight.  Some of this new independent spirit must come from her Mimi's developing language skills.  Rather than just waiting for things to happen, or screaming until what she wants occurs, Mimi can usually get what she wants with a few key words.  For instance, if her father forgets that she's thirsty in the morning, rather than yelling, she'll just ask for juice. 

If Mimi wants a story, she knows to bring me a book.

When it comes to reading, it's not just Mimi's choice of books that has changed.  Back in New York we were lucky to get through one book without Mimi abandoning ship, but now she'll often bring me two or three and sit through them all.  She's also starting to interact with the stories, calling out character names and pointing out objects.  I'm very proud that Mimi loves books and is still almost completely uninterested in TV (except for Thomas and Top Gear). 

Of course, Mimi likes to play with her toys during the day.  As I mentioned before, she's getting better and better at independent play, but she still likes having a playmate around.  On non-daycare days, that's me.  Mimi can be rather demanding at times, which puts me in the occasional compromising position.  Being a stay-at-home dad definitely has its dangers.

Perhaps the biggest change we've seen in Mimi's daily routine has been her approach to daycare.  As I've shared before, Mimi never really took to daycare in NYC, so it's with tremendous relief that Sumie and I see Mimi loving her daycare now.  On daycare days we tell Mimi, shortly after she wakes up, that she's going to see Maya (one of her daycare providers).  Mimi will then yell out "Mai!" and run for the safety gate blocking the stairs where she'll jump up and down shouting "Go! Go!"  I cannot begin to explain just how relieved Sumie and I are that Mimi's found confidence and comfort away from home. 

When it comes time to pick Mimi up from daycare she's still glad to see me.  I'm happy for that.  But sometimes the full day with friends makes her a bit cranky.  And very stubborn.  Mimi's taken to carrying her own daycare bag.  It's part of her new independent spirit.  Sometimes, though, her bag's a bit much for her to carry.  It takes about 3 or 4 minutes of serious struggle for Mimi to finally relent and hand the bag over to Papa. 

Dinner time has also changed; not so much for Mimi but definitely for me and Sumie.  In NYC we'd eat out or order in two to three nights a week.  Here in SF, we cook at home almost every day.  It's helped with the finances and it's been healthier for Mimi.  Still, we do need to get out every once in a while.  Tired from a long week, Mimi, Sumie, and I hit Mel's Diner over on Geary for burgers and fish and chips.  Not the healthiest dinner, but well deserved.  I even topped the meal off with a milkshake, which was served traditionally with both the glass and tin mixing cup.  I got the glass, Mimi the tin cup. 

She loved it.  And this was no ordinary milkshake Mimi enjoyed.  It was a malt.  I've always been a malt guy, but it's getting harder and harder to find a good one these days.   So, I'm very proud to report that it looks like Mimi is a malt fan.  Learning to enjoy a good malt: yet another sign that Mimi is on the right track...  at least in my mind.