My 1 Year Old Daughter is a College Freshman

Life has a way of coming "full circle," in both the short and long term.  Each day we crawl out of bed in the morning, groggy and wishing for sleep, and each night we crawl into bed, groggy and wishing for sleep.  The human lifespan is similarly book-ended.  For years innumerable humans have referred to old age as a "second childhood."  It's a time-worn analogy and one, I have to say, that still holds true today.  Like many on the opposite end of her age bracket, Mimi gets around with a walker, prefers food in mashed or liquid form, has a terrible memory, and suffers from massive incontinence.  But, despite the accuracy, I think there's now a better comparison for the average one year old. 

My 13 month old daughter, save for the height, is virtually indistinguishable from a typical privileged, spoiled, impetuous freshman attending a second rate liberal arts college.  Yes, it's more specific than the original analogy of "old person," but let me explain. 

First off, the living situation.  Mimi is still sharing a room with us which makes for three people fighting for space in a small bedroom.  It's basically no better than a freshman dorm.  And her sleep schedule is similar as well.  She has no regular bedtime, takes naps whenever she wants, and has no concern for her roommates.  In fact, if she wakes up, she'll bug them and bug them and bug them until at least one of them wakes up, goes out into the living room, and plays with her. 

Speaking of the common areas, behavior is pretty similar there as well.  Mimi spends the vast majority of her time just sitting around, generally making a mess of the living room, kitchen, or bathroom, and never offers to help clean up.  Even if her roommates' parents are coming for a visit, Mimi won't lift a finger. 

Mimi also has a keen interested in high-end stereo equipment.  Unfortunately, like most college freshmen, she doesn't really know how to use it.  Below you'll Mimi cuddling with the sub-woofer and attacking the vintage tube amplifier her father bought years ago under the foolish premise that his own progeny would treat it respectfully.   She has just one question: how loud can I crank it?

The typical one-year old's approach to food isn't that far off from a college freshman either.  Mimi tries a new dish or ingredient several times a week, constantly challenging her palette and widening her gastronomic horizon.  But, at the end of the day, all she really wants are stale Cheerios and milk.  Is this really all that different from the a college kid who, on a weekly basis, braves foods never served at home but, late at night, consistently seeks out Taco Bell or, if funds are tight, stale Cheerios and milk. 

Keep in mind that it is not the typical college student that one-year olds are most like.  Many such students are industrious, hard working, selfless, considerate, etc. - things that one-year olds are decidedly not.  Mimi is the quintessential impetuous and spoiled college youth.  Consider the following:  She sits around all day; she doesn't make her own food; she doesn't pay for room and board, clothing, trips, etc.; she immediately comes crying to mommy and daddy if anything goes wrong; and she thinks the world revolves around her.

Also, like the privileged, Mimi somehow finds a way of always getting what she wants.  And not through hard work or sacrifice.  She uses something I like to call cute-guile.  She wasn't born with it, but she seems to be mastering it quite quickly.   Below you'll see Mimi drinking some juice.  Cute, right?  But take a close look at the picture below that.  Notice how she's tilting her head to one side?  That's the first step.  She just started doing it a few weeks ago and, knowing the reaction it gets, she's no doing it all the time.  Sticking her tongue out is, I believe, just for the time being.  She's trying to lull me into a false sense of comfort that she's just being cute-silly and not actually employing cute-guile. 

Hopefully, as the years roll by, Mimi will be one of those little girls who grows up not to rely on cute-guile to get what she wants, but on diligence and her own wits.  I've a feeling that the analogy I've been using throughout this post will fall to the wayside and I'll happily have to apply a new one: ivy league freshman.  Well, a father can dream. 

Steve