Flying with a Toddler under Two

From SF to Tokyo and back.  Two seats.  Three people.  One of them 21 months old and certifiably insane.  But, despite the odds, we made it. 

Despite the snow and manic schedule in Japan, nothing caused us more anxiety than how our "endearing, but difficult" daughter would handle the flights.  As an infant, Mimi took to flying like a cat to water.  The tighter the space and the longer the flight, the louder she'd scream and the violently she'd refuse to sleep.  So it was with great trepidation that we began the ten hour flight from San Francisco to Tokyo.  Thankfully, all went relatively well.  We think we even came up with a few tips that may help others in the future as well. 

On even the shortest flight, such as our 45 minute hop from Tokyo to Yamagata...

the sweetest and most docile child...

can turn into a raving lunatic.  As such, it's important to be prepared.  And that begins well before you ever get to the airport. 

When flying with a toddler, there are three main challenges to consider: 1. Booking the flight; 2. What to do at the Airport; 3. Surviving the flight itself.  From our most recent experience I've found that the first one, booking the flight, is perhaps the most important. 

Booking the Flight:
I used to fly a lot for work and in the beginning I felt getting the company the best price possible should be my primary guideline for booking a flight.  I quickly learned, though, that the actual "cost," or should we say "toll" of a flight is not always reflected by the dollar amount on the ticket.  Direct flights, though they may be 10 or 20 percent more than one with stops, are always worth the extra money.   So too is booking a flight, even though it may be a bit more, that leaves you with some time to spare both at home and at your destination.  These rules hold true for traveling with toddlers as well. 

Many families try to squeeze at least one major flight in before a child turns two.  This is because once your child reaches 24 months, you must purchase the child a seat, even if you know he or she will be out of it the entire flight.  The rest of this blog post will deal with toddlers who are under that magic number, just as Mimi was for our flight to Japan.  Here are a few things we've discovered to keep in mind when choosing a flight and selecting seats. 

1. Fly with an airline you know and like:  Knowing how an airline works and what to expect can prevent a lot of stress both on the flight and at the airport.  Some carriers are better than others, especially when it comes to service.  We flew United to Tokyo, which was fine, but took ANA (All Nippon Airways) up to Yamagata and back to the states.  What a difference.  The flight attendants really worked hard to make sure that Mimi was comfortable, that Sumie and I were comfortable, and that the other passengers were not inconvenienced by the occasionally rambunctious toddler.  Their help made a huge difference to our sanity.  
2. Know how naps and bedtime will fit with the flight schedule:  Booking a flight that takes off right at nap time is not a good idea.  Too much commotion.  Try to schedule flights a few hours before or a few hours after naps if at all possible.  It makes sleeping on the plane much easier for both toddlers and parents.  
3. Book a bulkhead seat:  At the front of each section of a plane are "bulkhead" seats.  These seats have a wall instead of seats in front of them.  They generally have more room - the toddler can play on the floor once the flight gets going - and parents can get up and down more easily.  These seats often come with a "bassinet" option, if your child is still under 22lbs or so.  This is a cradle that screws into the bulkhead wall.  If you request this, airlines will usually try to accommodate you with bulkhead seating.  The bulkhead seats, with bassinet or without, made a world of difference on our flights to and from Japan.
4. Get extra room:  Even if you can't get a bulkhead, if there's an option for extra space, pay the extra money.  On United I believe it was an extra $40.00 per person for the more spacious seats.  When you're juggling a toddler, a few inches can go a long way.
5. Book a window and an aisle:  Most longer distances flights use planes with three seats extending from each side of the plane: window seat, middle seat, aisle seat.  We've learned that even if we book only two seats we have a much better chance of getting the row to ourselves if we book the window and aisle seats, leaving the middle one between us open.  Even if someone does take the middle seat, at least you can be gracious and offer him or her the window or aisle.  It's one way of "thanking" the unfortunate individual for putting up with your toddler.  

At the Airport:
Getting to the gate and waiting for a flight can be almost as exhausting as the flight itself.    We found the airport experience goes a bit better when we do the following.

1. Check in as much as possible:  As a business traveler I traveled light and brought everything with me on the plane.  I've found you need to do the exact opposite with a toddler.  The more things you bring on a plane the more you have to juggle and the more you could leave behind.  Check in as many bags as you can and travel light to the gate.  
2. Forget the stroller:  Getting through security is hard enough with a squirming toddler, let alone a mammoth stroller.  Leave the stroller at home or check it in at the counter. 
3. Strip the kid before security:  If the airport is warm enough, take off all jackets or outerwear from your toddler before going through security.  This is good practice for parents as well.  Making sure everyone in the family is stripped down before they hit the metal detectors makes the screening process run much smoother.  
4. Let the child run wild:  This is another reason to leave the stroller back at the check-in counter.  Airports are exciting places and being in an airport is far more fascinating than being on an airplane.  Help your toddler get as much energy out of her system as you can.  Simply making her walk to the gate instead of carrying her is a good start (if you're on time, at least).  
5. Bring plenty of empty bottles and sippy cups:  Security won't let much liquid through.  That's just a fact.  Counter that with a couple empty bottles and sippy cups that you can then fill once you get through security.  Milk can be tough to come by - you can sometimes get a cup from a coffee shop that you can then pour into one of your bottles - so traveling with some dry formula is a good idea.  Flights carry almost no milk.  Just enough to splash in tea and coffee.  
6. Know when you can board:  Some airlines allow families traveling with small children to board earlier.  Though you'll be on the plane a bit longer, it's much easier walking down that center aisle, squirming toddler in tow, when there are only a few passengers to bump into.  You'll also be able to get more accessible overhead storage for anything you brought on the flight. 
7. Change the diaper to an "overnight" before boarding:  Changing diapers on a plane is tough.  We found it much easier to get through the flight if we changed our daughter into one of the ultra-absorbent "overnight" diapers just before we boarded.  Fewer changes made for a much smoother trip.  

On the Flight:
There's not a lot to say here - you never quite know how it's going to go - but always keep in mind that no matter how badly the flight goes, it will end at some point.  There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

1. Have bottles and sippy cups ready for takeoff and landing:  Not only are takeoffs and landings potentially scary events, they can also trigger discomfort because of changes in air pressure.  Sucking on a bottle, or a sippy cup with a straw, can help toddlers to adjust to air pressure changes.  They also provide a little bit of extra security.
2. Don't be afraid to ask for help:  The flight attendants want the flight to go smoothly for your child as well.  Don't be afraid to ask them for help or hints.  
3. Let the child get comfortable:  This may take many forms.  For Mimi, she wanted to sleep on the floor on the way to Tokyo.  I had no problem with this, but Sumie insisted that she sleep on her lap.  As a result, she only slept an hour total.  Had she been on the floor, I think she would've been down for at least two or three.  On the way back with used the bassinet, despite it being a tight fit.  She slept for 4 hours!  A record for Mimi!
4. Have a bag of small, quiet toys:  Mimi's too young for DVDs, so we had a small bag of toys.  None of them took batteries or made noise.  Again, having the bulk-head seat helped for this.  She was able to play very comfortably at our feet.  
5. Walk around when restless:  If your toddler is getting restless, suggest a walk before he or she starts screaming.  It's much more enjoyable walking down the aisle with a smiling toddler than a screaming one.  
6. Stay calm:   As I mentioned before, no matter how bad things get, the flight will come to an end.  A friend of mine who has traveled internationally far more often than me - and alone with two boys! - told me this before my flight to Tokyo and it made a world of difference.  I think Mimi did fairly well, in part, because her parents were much less on edge than on previous flights.  

I hope that these tips offer some help to any of you out there traveling with toddlers.  If you have any insights to share, please be sure to do so!  I would love to learn more.  Before I know it, Sumie and I will be traveling with a preschooler and I bet that's an entirely different challenge.  Any of you who have already faced it, please be sure to share as well!